hmm im never on here anymore but i had the urge to write. im really worried about you. you already stopped hanging out with everyone because of him again. i cant believe after everything youve found out you still love him and you dont care. its such bullshit. hes a piece of shit and youd think that you would finally give up on him after everything. but no you just going back and back. hes using you cause he doesnt want to be alone. EVERYONE CAN SEE IT. youre the only one thats blind. its so fucking retarded. i just want the best for you because your the most amazing person in the world. i miss seeing you truely happy. not like you are now, that shit isnt real. i love you like a sister, you practically are my sister. please open your eyes.

last night was the best night of my life.
im so fucking happy.
even though my body is in SO much pain and i have no voice.
hahaha
that show had the most insane crowd ive ever been in.
i was all over that bitch hahah

set list:
calling all skeletons
help me
in vein
love love kiss kiss
i found away
do you wanna know?
warbrain
for your lungs only
goodbye forever
armageddon
private eye
im dying tomorrow
old school reasons
nose over tail
this could be love
blue carolina
mercy me
radio

and a couple more i cant remember.

it was amazing

stuff has been pretty good lately.
a little random though, lol.
i've had so much fun these past few months.
Alkaline Trio is coming up!
cant go with evan anymore so trying to find a ride.
if i cant though, my parents are gonna take me and kayla and stay in a hotel.
RIGHT ON.

there' only one thing that bothers me.
now that you cant have me, you want me.
after everything you did to me.
you storm back into my life and make everything so complicating and confusing.
i just need to stay away from you.
i cant be stuck in that loop again.
ive moved on.

i think i have my eye on someone thats not you for once.

well this weekend was good except for the dumb stuff that happened.
last night everyone went to bill's party. it was alot of fun. then we all went to another party in clifton and everyone was there that i haven't seen in forever. i love them all. i made up with molly and it was pretty tight hanging with her. going to clifton next weekend too to see all those fucks. can't wait. tomorrow i start school, oh man. it's gonna suck busting my ass to catch up and hopefully getting ahead. oh well, i think i can manage. next week im getting my sugar glider! im so fucking happy. there so amazing.  SUMMERS SO CLOSE! i hope its a good one. i hope i get to see all my friends. i miss it.

on the prowl again.
hahhaha.

i should've known it wasn't a very good idea from the start.

this weekend was great.
friday: woke up and pap took me and kayla to buddys.
me, kayla, buddy, and julian.
stayed the night.
those niggas make me so happy.
so fun :D
woke up and hungout for awhile.
"JULI BEANNNN GIMME DAT BURRITOOOO!!!"
hahahahahaha.
came home and got a 30 case of pbr.
kayla, erika, d, big dustin, dustin, josh.
got drunk, had alot of fun.
then phillip and sam came over and philip told me to punch him in the face cause he didnt think i would so i punched him in the throat and then the face.
theres a cut on his throat cause i hit him so hard and my hands swollen.
i rocked that dumb dicks world.
hahahah it made my night so much better.
then passed out and me and kayla layed around all day and watched movies today.
now im very bored and bumpin' to syg.
i think me and kayla are going to julians tomorrow to hang with him and buddy.
:DDDDDDDD
i like him alot.

D got out today!
so fucking happy
we watched american hustle and juno
today was the best day ever

my life has turned around
its finally getting good
im trying to quit smoking
im starting ecot soon
d's home
buddy and i really like eachother
he always makes me smile
i love it
me and kayla are bestfriends like we use to be
its great


MY LIFE: a constant work in progress, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

happy birthday dustin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right now im listening to set your goals and drinking beast ice hahah nice.


I value you more than you will ever know!

I know I'm not the only one
concerned about where this has gone.
The feelings that we both once shared,
they still exist, they went nowhere.

And you, you know it's true.
For you I am still here!
I'd hate to see it end this way.
It plagues my conscience every day.
And I want nothing more.
All I need lies in you!
Don't say this is the end.

I know I'm not the only one
who wishes we could get along.
Hanging out from 8 to 3,
and never wanting to fall asleep.

I just hope that you
will work with me
to make this right.
We can't just give up.
It's not fair.

This road, it's long.
If it will work with me.
Then I can say
I did not give up.
It's not fair.

You know it's true.
Don't pretend that you don't!
Tomorrow if we don't speak
A piece of my heart you will keep.
And we, we know it's true.
This is harder than I thought!
This can't be how this ends...

This can't be how this ends!
You have me waiting.
(I'm waiting.)
Waiting in suspense.
I just don't want it.
Tell me where you stand.
Quit walking on that fence.

Are you ready now?
(So are you ready?)
We're taking this to slow.
Soon we'll have nothing left to show.

My time is running on
and it isn't slowing down.
Never on my side.
You hate when I'm around.

Show me, show me what you said
is what, what you truly meant.
Don't say that i have to
lose another friend.

This very moment,
nothing else this important!
This very moment,
nothing else is this important!
Show me what you said
is truly what you meant

The snow was so pretty today.
Even though it ruined most of my plans.
oh well.
I get to see ronnie and kayla tomorrow.... well later today.
hanging with tiff.
Bill's coming over this weekend, hell yeah i miss that kid.

but just watched hard candy and it was tight.

You are so fucking stupid.
The shit you're telling people can ruin someones life, and probably will.
I hope you fucking realize that.
You have a big fucking mouth and i'll never fucking respect you or trust you again.
You were told not to tell anyone.
And it wasn't you're fucking place to tell a single person.
Ecspecially someone who isn't even friends with us.
Jesus, you're a fucking moron.
You're really making some bad decisions pissing off certain people when they know alot that can fucking destroy your whole precious life.
How about you think about what you're gonna say from now, stop being a liar, and learn to put your friends before a boy for once.
Because you're losing everything that was once the only reason you wanted to live.
If you think you're so fucking mature, start acting like it.

last night was so fun.
got drunk with tiffany, phillip, tyler, dustin, josh, erika, and d.
played alot of fucking beer pong.
stayed the night with phillip.
he's cute.
came home at 9.
slept all day.
amie and ronnie came over.
now me, tiff, and ronnie are about to get crunk.

Today is Valentines Day and I haven't slept.
Don't plan on it.
I'm actually excited for today.
Phillip's my Valentine :)
He asked me a few nights ago.
I'm in such a good mood.
Later tonight were coming back here and gettin crunk in da club.
Idk how many people are allowed over so don't just invite yourself.
Trent's out of the shower now and were gonna watch .45

LATAAA.

Last night Phillip had to move back in with his mom cause there going through some rough times.
But him and I talked about everything. Were good and all that ;]
Got internet and cable and house phone today.
Fuck yes.
Now michael, trent, d, and big dustin are here.
Phillips coming over in a little bit.
hell yessss.
its snowing out and its so pretty.
michaels about to dye my hair black.

This time im really done with you.
I know everything that happened and it makes me fucking sick.
You really are a piece of shit and everyone's gonna see your true colors.
fuck off, i dont ever want to be friends with you again.
have a nice life.

On another note:
I'm so glad me and dustin made up.
I missed that fucker.

I'm doing good changing my life.
I'm trying really hard to be more nice.
It's working.
I'm letting grudges go.
All that hate bottled up never helps anyone.
None of the little stuff bothers me anymore.
Things are starting to look up for my family too.
D isn't going to jail.
He's enrolled in Scarlet Oaks.
He starts in a few days,
I'm really proud of him.
Monday I start OHVA.
I'm going to have to bust my ass to catch up,
because i'm taking all advanced classes.
I'll be able to do it though.
Just have to stop partying so much, haha.
It'll be a big relief once I get it taken care of and i'm caught up.

On another note:
I dyed my air bright ass red.
Yes it looks like Hayley Williams',
and yes I don't care if everyone does it.
I really like it and that's all that matters.
Jessie's going through a rough time ad all I want to do is try to help make her days better.
I love that girl.
Oh and i'm so happy for Nicky.
I love her.

jessie and I couldn't be closer.
her, trent, and michael have been at my house for the past few days, along with phillip of course.
played 2500 alot.
tonight me, jessie, trent, and michael played team SORRY THE GAME OF REVENGE.
me and jessie won 4 times and michael and trent won 1 time.
hahaha we rule.
now im watching phillip play Zelda like I do everynight.
I love it.

Life's going good.

But today is not a good day.

Whenever I think about you I feel like crawling into a ball and crying.
Whenever I think about you I feel like my insides are rotting.

I just need to drink a fucking beer.

i dont even know why i am.
i guess i just feel like writing.

ive been through alot in the past couple months.
stuffs starting to get a little better though.

i was really depressed for awhile,
didnt celebrate christmas,
had the worst birthday ever,
had a horrible new years besides the fact i spent it with phillip and erika :]
lost two reallt important people,
gained a good friendship back with tiffany:],
became bestfriends with phillip and erika,
i love them so much,
eventhough me and phillip fight ALOT he's still too awesome for words,
hahah
drank alot of beer,
and overall im staring to be happy.
I dont even know why.
I  just woke up one morning and decided i couldnt live my life like that anymore.


My new years resolution is to be a better person.
Im working real hard at it.
Im doing pretty good.

I still donnt get what your deal is.
You say its all my fault.
When really one day you just decided to not be my friend.
I knew it would happen someday.
Its cool though, Im over it.

im in my new house right now.
jessie just left to go to work.
her, dustin, and tiff were over last night and jess stayed the night.
im glad I can steal internet in my garage or else id be so bored.
this weekend was fun.
I went to Indy with Jess and Serene.
Got my medusa pierced,
its so swollen
hahaha.
oh well.
I love it.
I miss jess and matt already.
if you want to see my new house hit me up tomorrow cause my sidekick will be on then.

Friday Jessie and I decided to go to Indiana out of the blue.
So we ate lunch and then left.
Hungout with Bret and Johnny.
Bret's baby elephant is getting pretty big,
hahaha.
"I can see in the dark you fucking idiot!"
I stayed with Bret and Jessie went with Johnny.
Bret and I went to meijers and caused a scene and shit.
'OMFG IMMA PUKE ALL OVER SOMEONES DICK TONIGHT!"
Then we went back to Bre'ts and watched some t.v. and movies.
Pretty fun.

The Saturday we went to the New Breed shop in northside.
Hung with Matt, Ben, and Ian,
Watched Planet Terror.
I fucking love that movie.

I got married.
Hahahahah.

Jessie, Matt, and I went to the apartment and then Ben and his girl showed up.
We sat around in the dark surrounded by the laptop.
Jessie went and stayed the night with some kid.
So Matt and I layed around, talked, then went to sleep.
I got to sleep with my baby Bowser again.
Ahhhhh I love that dog.

Woke up at 930 to Matt's alarm and then Jessie came back,
said bye to the husband and left.
HAHAHAHA.

Now im at Jessie's waiting for her to get off work.
I love my bestfriend.

I'm at Bret's right now.
He's taking a shit.
Glorious.

We just went and cause a ruckus in meijers.
hahah magical.
Don't know what were doing tonight.
Probably going to go rob drunk fuckers at gun point.
HAHAHAHA ohhh yeaaaa.